Today, I begin a journey – a journey of writing. This will be my first official writing and it has thrown me into a web of feelings now – the fear of not getting it right, the anxiety of being scrutinised, the doubt of leaving readers unsatisfied and the nervousness of getting judged. These put my mind into hibernation.
I do not know where or how to begin. When I think that I am about to put out content for some people, I become a vegetable. My fingers get numb and my mind gets blank. I’m experiencing mental paralysis, that is what I call it. However, amidst all these is a tiny voice (maybe, it is your voice) which whispers encouragement to me to give this venture a shot. So yes! “Imma gon write”.
You see, Elsie, the feeling I have now is the same with anyone who is stepping into the unknown. The world we live in is challenging, positively exhilarating, and everything in between. If it is not your specific life that is changing, like I believe this journey into the writing is doing to me, then it is a loved one, a friend, a co-worker, or the world itself. Our world has twists and turns and everything is moving faster and changing more often than anyone can keep up with. Thinking about all these, I have come to a very useful conclusion that a part of getting good at life is being open and ready for venturing the unknown.
Life does not follow our preconceived ideas. It continues to surprise us and challenges us beyond our abilities. Every day, we must jump in without knowing where our next step is going to lead. I have always thought of myself as someone ready and open for change, but even when you think you are ready, the fears, uncertainty, and doubts can creep in and cause you to face where you think your security is coming from in life.
So, here are a few things I have listed for myself to do as I venture into the uncertainty lies ahead with starting this column. These I hope will help me deal with my fears.
First, I want to give myself time to adjust to this new journey. Nothing about writing feels familiar so I am not going to force myself to be a master over it on the first attempt. I have decided to give myself permission to be uncomfortable and gain my bearings. I take solace in the fact that with time, I will get better and rule this space. Until then, it’s one word at a time.
Reading what I have written above sounds like I have this under control. Don’t you have that feeling too? Hehehe… Do not be deceived. What I have merely done is to acknowledge how I feel and be positive about it. I have come to terms with my doubts, fears and uncertainties and each time they come, I tell myself it’s ok. It is normal. The worst thing to do is deny them because the more I deny them, the stronger they become and overtake my life. Someone told me that the feelings of doubt, fear and uncertainty are like a fart. They linger only for a moment and they are no more. I will endure this stinky fart and I will move on.
Elsie, this is not the first time I am venturing into the unknown. I have had a few new beginnings and I have been through some tough times. I have climbed mountains in the past – some of them I conquered; some of them I did not get to the apex. If today I find myself at the base of another mountain, then I need to give myself credit for the willingness to start another journey. My past experiences – the successes, failures, mistakes and lessons – give me confidence that this unfamiliar journey will become easier with time.
Another good thing I have going for me on this journey is a great circle of positive support—friends, mentors, and loved ones. I am glad that I am beginning this experience of writing in the stables TEAM 2EWEBOYS. I have not started fully with the team yet, but I already feel at home. My fears are gradually dissipating. And, oh, Elsie. I hear your real father Patrick Fynn is in on this. This is the support everyone needs to thrive in a new venture – people, experiences, and situations that make you feel safe. Remember to avoid toxic and negative people because they will sabotage your new beginning.
Finally, I’m keeping a positive attitude and mindset through this. I am focusing on positive results, not what I don’t want or what is not happening now. I am putting in all the effort I can to get desired results and prevent undesired ones. I have even psyched myself for when things go south. I have told myself not to ask “Why me?”. Rather, “What can I learn?” or “What is this turn of events showing me?” are the questions I have decided to ask myself. Whether I expected the outcome or not, I will be positive.
Elsie, this is a long note to start this journey with, but I am glad I wrote this much because the more I wrote, more confident and comfortable I came. Sometimes, all you need in the journey of the unknown is a step. I am glad to have taken that step.
More significantly, I am beginning to realise at the end of this letter that I could not have started any better with a letter other than one with this subject of venturing the unknown. You see, when you come into this world, it will be a whole new experience for you. I hope you remember this letter and take a cue from how I am beginning this column to live and conquer on this land.
We will have so much fun doing this, I am very positive about that.
Until next week,