Professorial

It was the biggest and best day in his academic and professional life. He would be honoured as an associate professor at the DoRight University and he would give his inaugural “professorial” lecture. “Professor Hiram Ansah”. His new nomenclature was music to his ears, especially the way his wife, Bertha, said it.

Whilst in bed that morning, Bertha came up to him and planted a kiss on his lips. “Congratulations. Your academic and research publications show your sharp intellect. Well done. I’m so proud of you”.

“Thanks, honey. But I think I deserved more than a professorial kiss for my sharp intellect. Don’t you think so?” Hiram winked.

“You mean you want some of this?” Bertha lifted her skirt up to reveal what was underneath. She wriggled her waist lustfully and turned away from her husband. “Not this morning, my professor. Let’s go give a kickass lecture. And after that, you can have this for as long as you want.”

Bertha winked back at her husband who was licking his lips lasciviously. “Naughty professor!” She teased and she left the bedroom.

Hiram took a copy of the speech he had rehearsed from the bedside table. He smiled. His phone was buzzing with notifications, especially from the Ansah Family WhatsApp page. His family was excited, and many of them told him how proud they were of him. For a thirty-seven-year old man to be made an associate professor, there could not have been any prouder achievement.

When Hiram arrived at the university for the event, it was like a déjà vu. Except this time, it was not merely a feeling. He walked the same hallway last two years when his friend, Andrews, was scheduled to deliver his inaugural speech.

Hiram and Andrews were friends from high school. They had always been close. However, Hiram was always jealous of his friend. Andrews was better than the former in everything.

In the year Andrews got the promotion to professorship, life only dished out misfortune to his friend, Hiram. Andrews was on the verge of attaining a dream they were both chasing, he had the prettiest girl in the person of Bertha for a girlfriend and was receiving offers from all over the world to become a lecturer in some of the best universities. Hiram, on the other hand, had recently been duped and dumped by his girlfriend of six years and that affected him badly.

On the day Andrew was expected to be honoured, Hiram spiked his friend’s drink with laxatives.

“Thanks, Hiram. In a time like this, I need my best friend by my side,” Andrews was appreciative.

About 30 minutes after taking that water, Andrews was nauseous, and he was visiting the loo almost every ten minutes. On one of the occasions, he was too late and pooped on himself. He locked himself up in the washroom and never went back to the auditorium.

After waiting for to no avail, the ceremony was cancelled and the guests dismissed. Andrews took the embarrassment of that day badly and his life took a tailspin. He resigned from the university and took up a teaching job in a private basic school. The light in his once bright future dimmed.

In a spin of fortunes, Hiram’s life took a better turn at the expense of his friend’s misfortune. He became the star boy in the university, hooked up with Bertha after she left Andrews and now he was on the brink of taking Andrews’ dream. Despite things turning around for him, he had to carry the guilt of what he did to his best friend. He could not bring himself to confessing what he did to Andrews.

When Hiram entered the auditorium and saw Andrews seated in the front seat, his heart sank. His eyes and mouth were frozen wide open in an expression of stunned surprise.  Andrews responded with a smile and a thumbs-up. The impact of that smile knocked every wisp of air from his lungs. Hiram stood there struggling to inhale, to exhale or to do anything. The encouraging smile from Andrews bounced around inside his skull. Hiram directed his family to their seat and rushed to the washroom.

Hiram searched his briefcase frantically for his anti-anxiety drug. He specifically asked Bertha to put them in his bag because he anticipate that he might get nervous at the event. However, the dose anxiety he experienced because of seeing Andrews was nothing he saw coming. As a matter of fact, he did not think Andrews would show up.

He found the pills and took two. He washed his face and looked in the mirror. He was disappointed in the man he saw. He was nothing but a fraud, a cheat and evil man. He closed his eyes to prevent his guilt from eating him up, turned away from the mirror and left the washroom.

Back in the auditorium, the dean of his faculty introduced him to some of the invited guest who had come to see the bright and young professor. There were handshakes, hugs and kisses. When it was time to meet the chairperson for the event, Prof. Mrs. Mary Setorwu, Hiram was stopped in his tracks. She was pretty! After the introductions, Hiram held out his hand for a handshake. The woman place her soft palms in his and pulled him in for a hug.

“Congratulations, young man. I am sure you will have a great professorial career and even become the Vice Chancellor of this university”, Prof. Setorwu said while patting Hiram on the back.

Hiram smiled as he enjoyed the contact he had with the curvy elderly woman.

Then the woman shoved Hiram off her. “Young man, what kind of inappropriateness is this?” She screamed.

Hiram was shocked. So was everyone else until Prof. Setorwu pointed at Hiram’s crotch. Hiram had a very nicely curved bulge in his trousers. He could not believe himself. Embarrassed, he ran out of the auditorium back into the washroom. He entered a cubicle and cried. “God, forgive me,” he pleaded. “Please, calm down,” this time to his manhood.

It took a while yet Hiram’s kicky-wicky would not cool down. Now, he faced the dilemma of having to go back to the auditorium or staying in the washroom till the big man shrank. He knew the fate that waited for him was not pleasant. However, a brave man takes responsibilities for his mistakes and bear the consequences. He needed to prove that to the professors and they might give him a second chance.

He stepped out of the cubicle and went to the sink to wash his face. It was then he realized that he left his anti-anxiety drug there the first time. He examined the bottle and noticed that it was not his Valium 5 pills. They were Viagra pills!

“Oh, my God. Bertha has killed me.”


Catch up on the entire serial here. From chapter 1 to 7

Have fun reading

Shade #1 – Karma Day in Court

Shade #2 – Tight or Loose

Shade #3 – One Good Turn Deserves Another

Shade #4 – Karsthma In the Bank

Shade #5 – Karma Has The Last Laugh, Always

Shade #6 – Karma At Kejetia

Shade #7 – A Victim of Karma’s Wrong Meat

 

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