Hi Hard Girl,
So, HardGirlBut is 10 weeks old. Yaay!!! After 10 weeks and 10 posts, I am happy to say this journey has been exciting, educating, scary and promising.
Quick Announcement: You can still send a brief write-up about why you want to celebrate mother this season. Add a picture, and let us help you celebrate in a simple but classy way. Email: [email protected]
Some time back, a friend stopped speaking to me due to reasons which are best known to her. I was invisible when we both were in the same space; her silent treatment game was on point. When in public, she smiles and waves at me like all is well to avoid suspicion and questions from her friends. Only I and a few others who were in the same predicament knew what was going on. No one suspected a thing. The painful part is, should I decide to wave back or show exciting emotions, observers will think I am the unfriendly one.
Sunday would mark yet another Mother’s Day. Our timelines will be flooded with messages, poems and pictures. People will polish their poetry skills. Poets and spoken word artists will be in high demand. The fun and adventurous parts will be going through your contact list to have an idea of how your friends will look like in their old age. Mark Zuckerberg’s ‘Whatsnap’ could not have come at a much appropriate time. Social media has made it simple and easy to celebrate mothers. The alarming side of this is, most of these people perform eye-celebration. To the world, this individual is appreciative to Mrs. or that mother figure for the love and care selflessly given them. Observers will become emotional when they read such messages. The real deal is, some mothers may not have heard from their kids in a long while due to one issue or the other, they both have some scores to settle.
Not everyone who uses their mother’s pictures and their display pictures (I bet some of you did not know that is the full meaning of DP) or writes sweet words about them will call their mothers to wish them. To some mothers, that will be the only time to hear the voice of their kids till Christmas rolls in with another miracle. To us, their mothers mean the world to them. To their mothers, they regret giving birth to them but are unable to voice out their frustrations and agony to the world. They are obligated to accept their fate and not complain. She will be seen as a clingy, nagging woman who is not appreciative of what she has. Who does not want a child that dotes on her like she is the world to her?
It is not obligatory to put your mother’s picture out there if you will not wish her a happy Mother’s Day. I am not privy to what happened between you two. She may or may not deserve this treatment. All I know is, you are not being fair to you both. Instead of being indecisive about your feelings towards her, let her know you despise her, that you have not forgiven her yet. That way, she will know what next to do. You stab yourself by typing those words you do not mean, instead, find words to express your emotions; anger, fear, disgust, pain; to her. You will not be crucified if you defy the ‘norm’ of saying words you do not mean to avoid questions. Mend your relationship this month, heal that wound. Be the mature one; approach her and ask the necessary questions. Be sure to find some closure this month, you deserve it. You are not being forced to do this alone. Seek professional help where necessary.
Apart from the emotional healing and closure, your relationship with others will improve. The peace and free conscience will help you relate well with people. It keeps stress and chronic diseases like hypertension away. Who knows, you might change your mind about not getting married or having kids.
Though it is a good venture, it has become a cliché; The Mother’s Day celebration has lost its originality and essence to the world. Mothers are interested in the gifts than the heartfelt appreciation and children are more interested in flaunting their mothers to show their affluence. Mind you, I have nothing against showing love and appreciation with gifts. My concern is the sincerity and emotions behind the gifts. It should be from the heart. Impress not the world with any material gifts. Stay within your means.
CLICHÉ GESTURES THAT HAVE SURREAL OUTCOMES
- Call her. Let he hear your voice.
- Relieve her of her chores. Cook for her, especially if you hardly do it. If you have no idea how to prepare her favorite food, the internet, a relative or friend can help you out.
- Call her and be real with her. Most Ghanaian parents, even on their birthdays see no reason in calling them. But if you are real, you will manage to wipe a tear or two from her eyes. It is not about the literary devices used, it is about the heart behind those words.
- For a change, do not go complaining to her. Listen to her. Sometimes the reason she nags is not because she is nearing or in her menopausal stage but because she misses you. She misses those times when you told her everything; Those times when you admired her. She misses the times when your smiles were real and innocent. Make her feel it once more.
- Go for a walk. As African as she is, she will not decline an opportunity to walk some fat off. Admire nature with her. Do all the things you wish to do. Release the child in you so she can relate.
- Make a slide show of her pictures and watch her smile at memories. You can listen to her reminisce about her transition from childhood to adulthood, she might even spill some secrets. That twinkle in her eye is to die for. I must warn you though, not all the memories are pleasant and she might chat your ears off.
- Buy a valuable gift for her. For a woman who sells or owns a lot of cloth, a gift cloth will be less appreciative. Think; be inquisitive. Ask people around her what she needs. To some mothers, just a picture frame of the family will make her emotional. Be creative and sensitive. Do not be under pressure to buy expensive gifts if you cannot afford it.
- Send us her number and your message so we call her. Hearing from a stranger how her child adores her is an unexplainable feeling.
May this month bring you all the joy you seek. Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers and intending in advance.