shut up

Hi Hard Girl,

I am sorry yesterday was a no-show. The long weekend is over, and another begins today. Spend some time to assess yourself, identify the successes and celebrate them; devise strategies to correct your mistakes.

*******************

Do you realize all some people are interested in is to judge other people? They sit, analyze their victims inside out and pass their judgements without anyone asking for their opinions. Observers, indeed, are always worried. We judge people without thinking and they judge us too; it is a cycle, an unhealthy habit. We may think it means nothing, but, to the recipient, it is a dagger in the heart. Before we interact with people, with our preformed perceptions about them, we call their personalities. We make no attempt to know the real person behind the façade. Encounters with them make us realize they are cool people and not in any way what we thought them to be.

I have judged people by their appearance, speech, dressing and lifestyle before; because they do not speak like me, or do not believe in what I believe in. I have had myopic perceptions about some people because they did not conform to what I consider the norm. But wait, who determines what is right, wrong or the norm? I have also been at the end of criticisms from people who hardly know me. Maybe for the way I behaved that one time when I was stressed out; because I am considered weird; or because my name reminds one of a painful past.

Our background has made it impossible for people to be as open-minded as possible. Once an individual belongs to another tribe, culture, religion, without thinking they are Homo sapiens first before being members of that sect of people, we judge them. We ignore their positives and concentrate on the negatives. Instead of jumping to keep fit, we jump into hasty conclusion. It is inherent in us.  Many parents refuse to accept their kids marrying people from some particular ethnic groups because of the perception out there. I was told of a story where a lady was loved by her prospective in-laws. But the day, they found out what tribe she belonged to, the family was vehemently against the union. This was not because the girl was not fit to be an in law, but because she was a member of a tribe, something she had no power over.

Many a time, we could have helped these individuals out. But we are more interested in slandering and backbiting than we are in helping such people out. People have reasons why they act the way they do. They have been shackled with problems which in turn affects their thought processes and behavior. What they need is not long essays of what they should do and not do. They need love and care. They need assurance that you will be there for them. Ever wondered why some people do not believe in God? Most of such people come from strong Christian homes, but along the line, they lost the faith they once held onto and defended with their lives. One of such reasons is the hypocrisy in the church. The church, meant to be the preserve of dying souls has been inhabited by hypocritical folks who but judge everyone their lens would capture. The pastor and wife are not spared, especially if they do not kiss their feet. Their lives in the church and at home contrast each other so much that one wonders if they have the split personality disorder; the switch in character is too sudden. Surprisingly, they were under the anointing a few days back at the just ended Easter Convention. Well… Who am I to judge? If we want people to see the truth we see, our lives must be worthy of emulation. After all, our lives are books before their eyes and they are reading it through and through; let others see Jesus in you, do not only tell them.

If you cannot help such people out, SHUT UP.

Let them suffer their fate alone. You make things more complicated than they already are when you hammer on their inadequacies. They need breathing space. I do not doubt that some people deserve it because of their lifestyles, but hey, who are you to judge when the Lord Almighty hasn’t done so? They can be helped.

We, ladies, are the worst culprits. It starts as a bonding mechanism. We talk about everything and everybody with our friends to feel connected to them. Then it transcends to talking about the dressing and hairstyles of people, our fellow ladies especially. I have judged before; It will not be shocking if I did it today and did not even realize I judged someone. I have done my share of judging fellow ladies by the length of their skirts, choice of words, ethnic groups and the first impression they created. That is how bad it has become. The time we waste on such frivolous ventures can be channeled into more profitable ones. We must stop judging people. Judging others hurts them; makes them feel bad about themselves; misunderstandings.

Why do people judge?

They do not know the people

Looks can be deceiving. It is easy to judge someone from the sidelines. You are not on the field with them, so you are ignorant of their situation. Once you get to know someone for who they are, their strengths, weaknesses and all, you will realize you never knew them from afar.

The people act like them

Ever been in a position where the one who complains about a friend to you has the same problem? Sometimes, you ask if they are ignorant about it. We all have a conscience that tells us some habits are not good. When people exhibit the same traits, we get pissed off. We feel it is our duty to help them stop. The best way to do so is to make them see the change, not tell them to change.

The people display certain traits they will not tolerate in themselves.

We all know that one person who we call ‘post kaya’, K.P for short, who is everywhere at every time. When we see people behave differently, we judge them. For instance, if a choleric sees a sanguine in all their elements, they judge. They do not understand why such people will not sit quietly like everyone else. If everyone is like you, the world will be boring. Diversity is good.

Insecurity

Envy, hurt, greed, insecurity, ego, selfish desires and personal fears make us judge people unfairly. Research reveals that lonely and scared people try to feel better about themselves by putting others down. We criticize and slander people we consider the competition. Instead of being inspired by their achievements, we put in negative energy to drag their names through the mud. Do not resent people because they have what you do not. Learn from them and be a better person.

Ignorance

It is ironic that people are experts at things they have no idea about. Some cultures, religious practices and habits of others are strange. So it is easy for us to pass judgements as to why they ate not like ours, instead of learning about it.

Genuine Care

I do not doubt people judge because they genuinely care. Parents, guardians and true friends who see the need to do so. I have a problem with the method they employ. In the bid to help out, they worsen the situation. Learn and how to dish out constructive criticisms. You save yourself and relationship you have with others.

My Advice:

Learn to judge less and observe more. You miss a lot when you capitalize on their inadequacies and lack than on their achievements.

If you want to feel good, about yourself, encourage the down-spirited, commend those who deserve it.

Before you judge, learn.

Use your judgement of others to mirror your own doings.

What you say about others reveals a lot about you; mind your speech.

Look for the positives.

Avoid Stereotyping

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Judge yourself less and you will not judge others.

Today, I pledge to change. I know people would watch my every move to ascertain whether I am living to my promise. Change is difficult, but I want to make this happen. I envision a day when we would be receptive enough by not judging so people can approach us with their problems. This change must start with me. I implore you, to join hands with me to make this happen.

NO MORE JUDGING.

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