Dear Hard Girl,
Have you ever felt like jumping to rescue someone but, you remember Newton’s third law of motion which states that; ” to every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”, and mind your own business? That is exactly what happened to me and the subject of today’s column.
On Sunday, I was aboard a vehicle to Accra from Tema. The mate went about his usual duties until he got to the row of seats before mine. Apparently, the fellow who accompanied these sisters to the station paid their fares to the mate before he left. The mate later told the ladies the money paid was insufficient. They felt he was trying to con them into giving him more money. This misunderstanding led to a little scuffle transcending into a heated argument about who was right and who wasn’t.
They had every right to be angry at the mate. But the way they tackled the problem was wrong. Looking at the physical appearance of this mate (no offense) and the insults he heaped on these ladies, I wondered if he had a mirror in his house. However, the mere fact that the ladies sunk into the gutters with him and insulted him first gave him the audacity to insult them back per what was stated in Luke 6:38 “Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.”
Unfortunately, the overflowing insults trickled down all the women in the vehicle and beyond. It turns out this guy is very patriarchal. He did not understand why ‘mere’ women could talk back to him. But for the little restraint I had, I would have joined these ladies along other offended ones to teach him a lesson. I was offended because of his lack of respect for the women folk as well as the contempt exhibited because the ladies talked back at him.
70% percent of the passengers thought the ladies brought it upon themselves. This is not because they thought the ladies were supposed to keep quiet, but because they (the sisters) unknowingly gave him the go ahead to insult them in the way he did. This mate addressed them based on the impression created.
Self-respect is a necessity if we want to be respected and given our due. We keep fighting for our right, we strive for the acknowledgment that women are human also and deserve some respect. Well, it begins with us.
Many things go into gaining respect from people.
“If you want to be respected by others, the great thing is to respect yourself. Only by that, only by self-respect will you compel others to respect you.” – Dostoevsky
Mind you, self-respect is different from pride. Know when to draw the line between the two. You don’t have to be snobby to respect yourself.
People who are true to themselves attract the right people. Be true to yourself. Do not act the way you think people would want you to, to earn their respect. Allow people to like and respect you for who you are. You can be an intelligent, hard-working and outgoing and still be respected. If you’re naturally chatty and easy-going, don’t go melancholic for anybody or reason. Unless it has a negative impact on your life. I reiterate, do not change yourself for anybody. Be you.
Integrity Should Be Your Hallmark
You must adhere to a strict moral or ethical code. It should be your signature, such that everyone knows you by that. Speak with integrity. Refrain from backbiting and ridiculing others. Your gossip partners will be interested in your yabbying momentarily, but their respect for you dwindles as the conversation proceeds.
Have A Vision and Purpose for Your Life
People love and respect women who have a purpose for their lives. They know where they are going and fight hard to attain that feat. Nobody (except the person is a psycho) treats such women with disdain. You will be disrespected if you are aimless. Get yourself sorted out first. If you do not have a good education, you are not damaged. There are many ways you can establish yourself without having to depend on someone. Learn a skill, be good at it and be diligent in pursuing your career, then you will earn the respect of many.
Do Not Sell Yourself Short
No one should treat you as if you are a nobody, no matter the role they play in your life. You must be confident and assertive. Know what you are worth and ask that they treat you as such. That is not pride, but self-appreciation. Some ladies in ‘love’ abandon their common sense before entering relationships. Love blinds them rendering them senseless. Whatever her partner says no matter how derogatory it is, she accepts it. Sister, if you ignore it, it sure will happen again. What you do not know is you gave him the green light to treat you as he wishes. Before you became his girlfriend or wife, you were a lady, with a family. Do not allow him to take away that right. Call him to order when he is disrespectful. He needs to respect you. You deserve that.
Sex Is Not an Option
Some men come into your life to take away that one thing you cherish do much and dump you. Until he does the needful, he is not entitled to your body. Some ladies use their sex to trap men into loving them. Once you do that, the respect he had for you becomes nonexistent. Guard your priceless jewel and give it to he who deserves it at the right time.
The Bible tells us to do unto others what we would have others to do unto us. You must be ready to treat people right, listen to their views, and accord them respect even when it hurts. Do not shut them down and make your opinion clear, without shoving it down their throats.
Do not let someone get comfortable with disrespecting you, no matter who they are. Set that boundary which keeps them in check. The way people treat you is yours to decide.
All the best!