#DearFutureHusband

#DearFutureHusband,

It’s only by grace I am alive today. I have been depressed lately. I have worried a lot and wonder why I was not told growing up is difficult. I have also concluded that the most miserable stage of almost everyone’s life is between the time they complete school, do national service and get a job.

I have been thinking about marriage a lot. It means I have been thinking about you a lot too. My friend Louis says, girls usually think about marriage at this time because they do not have jobs. They totally forget about marriage when they get jobs. As to whether this is true, I can’t tell. But I hope it is not because I never want to forget about you.

One morning, while I continued my pondering about what life after National Service holds for me, Whatsapp notifications from one of my numerous groups distracted me. My friend, James, had posted his wedding invitation in the group. The invitation was not the cause of the mayhem in the group. I tell you what was.

Prior to when James posted the invitation, we discussed marriage and relationship issues and he mentioned that he would never eat food stored in the fridge. He added that the woman who would eventually settle down with him must cook fresh food every day. That did not go down well with a lot of the ladies in the group, including me. I was like, “For real!?… Like E-V-E-R-Y—D-A-Y? In Kwame Nkrumah’s Ghana?”

Based on his earlier assertion, members of the group wanted to know if his soon to be wedded wife would cook fresh food for him every day. People bombarded him with questions from all angles. Guess what? He couldn’t answer. To me, it meant one thing. He would not in a thousand years get his wife to do such a preposterous thing. Shaking my head. Some guys are all talk. Absolutely nothing give them.

Boo-boo, I was mute when this discussion went on. I enjoyed watching on as the other ladies “gave it to him well well”. How can you expect your wife to cook fresh meals for you every day? Who does that? My Brown Sugar, I am by this letter informing you that if you think like James, repent before our paths cross. Otherwise… I leave the rest to your imagination.

We will not cook fresh food in our home EVERY DAY.

Now, let’s get this straight. I am more than ready to cook for you, my champ. However, I do not think it is possible for me to hit the kitchen every day to prepare a new meal for you. That is impossicant – completely off whatever list of marriage fantasies you may be dreaming about.

I will be working 8 to 5, just like you. Or, I could be doing more hours. This, notwithstanding, will not stop me from ensuring that you are properly feed – to your satisfaction and healthily. I take it as my duty and I promise to do it to perfection. So, help me, God.

I find it more prudent to dedicate Saturdays and Sundays to cooking all kinds of meals and storing them in the fridge towards the week. On week days, when I get home, I will ensure that the food is properly warmed for the both of us and we shall eat enjoyably. With this, even if I am away, you can sort yourself out easily. Works for me. Works for you. Win-Win.

Cooking in bulk saves a lot of time and energy. It saves a lot of money too. Imagine that I prepare fresh stew or soup every day. That is quite expensive!  And stressful! Apart from the fact that I will not put myself through that, you don’t want to consider asking me to do such a thing.

Of course, there’s an exception to everything. It is not every meal I can cook and store in the fridge. Obviously, I can’t boil slices of yam and pack them in the fridge because I want to save myself from stress. Something like that, I am willing to prepare every day. There are the special occasions too and the days you do not, perhaps, feel like eating any of the meals we have in store. I am more than willing to compromise on such days. I know you will do same for me. That’s all marriage is about. Compromises.

According to James, his mum never feed him “leftovers”. She brought him up like that till her passing. Since then, he has not adjusted. Currently, he gives money to his siblings to cook for him every evening or he goes out to eat on days they decide not to cook for him. The annoying and sad part of James’ situation is that he does not know how to cook. Can you imagine that? Mtcheeeew!

I hope my future mother-in-law does not bring you up like James. Otherwise, I hope when you read this letter, you will start changing your mind. Changing your mind about eating freshly cooked meals every day is but one minor condition you must satisfy before we end up together. As you may already know (that is, if you read any of my letters), first, find God and find yourself. You must be a SANTACLAUSIAN, be left-handed and hate kokonte with passion. And, you must be a born in July.

All hope is not lost of you do not meet all the above requirement. The only one cast in stone is being SANTACLAUSIAN. Even that, if you can assure me that our boys will attend Adisadel College, I am fine. You see, I am not a difficult lady at all.

In case you are wondering why I am obsessed about that Adisco, look for my cousin, Jerry, and ask him. He is one of the reasons I love that school and its boys and I love them very much. I have even learned their school anthem.

OK, Chunks, do not get distracted. I wrote this letter to tell you that I will not cook fresh meals for you every day.

Until we find each other…

Your love,
Mamavi.


#DearFutureHusband
Mamavi Goh, The Writer

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