Unlike my friend, Isabella, I’ve never been crazy about bearded guys. I fall for the nerds and well, with or without a beard, all he needs to pass the test is to answer the ‘how do you do’ question correctly.

We were talking about the qualities we wanted in a man while we waited for our Uber to arrive. It didn’t take long before a black newly registered Pontiac stopped by. The first thing we looked at was what the driver looked like. Alas! he was signed up to beard gang. He was a fine-looking gentleman with a thick black forest hanging around his pink lips. Bella gave me ‘the look’ and I simply shook my head. I knew for certain she was going to divert her attention to the driver and I’ll not exist for the next few minutes.

When we had settled in the car, I greeted and decided to take the first cue. “How do you do, sir? ” I asked and Bella rolled her eyes, knowing very well what I was driving at. “I’m fine, Princess”, he replied and without saying one more word, I reached out for my phone. She could have his attention for all I care. He just failed my litmus test.

Good at what she does, Bella kept flirting with the driver; complimenting his beard, trying to ditch the professional air and get all clingy with him. I was about to plug in my headphones when I heard him say, “half a loaf is better than one”.

My heart skipped a beat in alarm. Isabella looked at my face and the strength with which I tried to prevent myself from laughing failed so I pretended to be watching a funny video on my phone so I could laugh my heart out. Bella rolled her eyes and tried to continue the conversation with her Prince Charming. “…you were saying half a loaf is better than none, that’s right. When we learn to accept things from the scratch, we won’t lose it all trying to get it perfectly”

“Don’t try to cover for him, idiot!’ I whispered to her but she simply ignored. For crying out loud, dude said half a loaf is better than one so where from all these justifications?

A few minutes later, we arrived at our destination and I watched closely as the mobile application the fare. “Your friend has not saying anything at all”, the fine beard gang driver said to Isabella while looking at me with a warm smile across his face. My breath ceased for a moment and I didn’t know what to do when our eyes met. My jaw dropped and I guess the shock in my eyes alone made him wonder if he had said something wrong. “I’m sorry. Have I say something bad?” he added and all I wanted at the moment was to hop out of the car.

“No, no, no you didn’t saying something wrong. I just thinking you should saying the price and we should paying them to you” I chipped in and handed him 20 cedis as displayed on his phone before he opened his mouth to say one more word. Isabella was already out of the car, clutching her purse close to her mouth. I joined her as we waited for the car to leave so we could laugh our souls out. The driver gave us a wink. As if it was some choreography being directed, we both shut our eyes tightly until he was gone.

As we died with laughter, I didn’t know if it was Isabella I was laughing at or the cute bearded driver who was taught English by Funke Akindele(Jenifa).

Uber is certainly bae!