Just in case you missed SHADE #1. Read it here: SHADE #1


“Like gravity, karma is so basic we often don’t even notice it.”
~ Sakyong Mipham~

It was all joy when after five years of marriage, Naa finally conceived and delivered. Her husband called his family excitedly with the good news.

“Mummy, it is a bouncing baby boy!” He screamed to his seventy-year-old mother over the phone. The call was on loudspeaker. “Yieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!” She screamed back with an equal volume of elation. Then she asked in Twi, “Na bouncing baby boy no, )y3 )baa anaa s3 )barima?” She had never been to school. They laughed at her at their end of the call, asking her how a BOUNCING BABY BOY could be a girl. She jokingly retorted that she had never seen the term in her middle school dictionary before.

“Your enemies and detractors have finally been put to shame” – that was what everyone was saying. “You guys are a testimony to all young couples and the entire church”, the pastor said at the outdooring ceremony. “We are very happy for you”, some others said. What no one foresaw was the pain in store for them.

The couple could not wait to consume each other like hungry Ghanaian prisoners who had been gifted KFC chicken. A family friend had informed them that it was unadvised to have sex during the course of the pregnancy because it could blind the foetus. Husband and wife were, therefore, sex-starved for a long time.

Unfortunately for the them, they did not get to enjoy immediately after the delivery. Naa was feeling badly sore in her nether regions because she delivered naturally and her pleasure canal suffered a considerable amount of bruising. The slightest touch by her husband generated much pain and soon, it became obvious that they had to explore other means of satisfying themselves as they waited for the annoying sore to heal. And it did heal six months later, after some traditional remedies.

Their very first sexual encounter after the wait started on a promising note. The foreplay was good. In fact, they both admitted it was excellent and even likened it to their honeymoon experience. It was when Mr. Allotey finally went into his wife that he realized there was a huge problem, literally. What used to be 2 cm in diameter now felt like 2 meters. The keyhole now felt as ajar as an open window.

He jumped off her. “Naa, what is this?”

She had also noticed things were not as tight as before but surely, it must not be that bad?

“Oww baby, what is the matter?” She had called out sweetly to him.

“DON’T BABY ME! Who have you been sleeping around with? So as I was here waiting for you to restore my glory to me, you’ve been lending it to other men, huh? How can you…”, his voice trailed off.

She sobbed.

Her close friends recommended drugs to her but nothing changed. She was desperate to save her life, her marriage and her mind. That was when somebody showed her a certain herb to boil and apply to the affected part at night. Her literate self screamed against it but circumstances were dire and she was willing to take the risk.

One night, she had applied the herb. When she woke up the next morning to sweep the compound, she felt very weak but she still attempted to do her chores. She took one agonizing step forward and clutched frantically at the pillar in the middle of the compound. She did not even have enough strength to hold on to it. Naa slumped heavily to the ground like a big sack of Bolgatanga yam which had lost balance at the back of a KIA truck; she collapsed.

Three days later, Mr. Allotey dissolved the marriage on grounds of infidelity. Naa was devastated but she moved on with her 6-month-old baby.

A few days later, the 45-year-old healthy-looking Mr. Allotey was rushed to the hospital. He had suffered a mild stroke and could not talk intelligibly. His mouth had also twisted markedly to the left. Apparently, he had had undiagnosed hypertension for a long time and the condition had progressed to worse proportions.

After about a year, expert medical intervention restored 90% of the functions he had lost. But among the 10% that doctors had given up on was his ability to get and keep up an erection. The soldier whom he thought was too good to invade Naa’s territory because it was too vast was now too weak to even get on his feet. He bemoaned all the pleasures he would not enjoy in his foreseeable future for his infirmity sake but more painfully, he regretted not taking his chances with Naa that night. That, at least, would have been his last; tight or loose.